Feeling underappreciated

If you feel unappreciated in something, fight the temptation to do more. You may think you can win someone’s approval or affections through an extra effort. This is a surefire way to make yourself a neurotic mess. And if you are prone to buying attention with more flash, or affection with more gifts; it will also make you broke. This path leads to burn-out.

Also, fight the temptation to do less. It may occur to you that if you just stop doing all the things that go unnoticed, people will finally begin to see and appreciate your work. This is also a mistake. This path leads to isolation and despair.

The world tells you to do more; it wants to overwhelm and frustrate. Spite (rationale of the flesh) tells you to do less; it wants to isolate. What does God say?

Ephesians 6:7 – Serve wholeheartedly, as if you were serving the Lord, not people (NIV)

It is encouraging to remember that we should not desire anyone’s approval but God’s. Placing our emotional well-being into the hands of people is foolish. Only God is capable of providing unconditional love. He is the source. For this reason, any lifestyle centered on pleasing people can only end in disappointment. People are emotional and emotions are fickle. God is unchanging. So, “commit your works to the Lord, and your thoughts will be established” (Prov. 16:3 – NKJV). Whenever our efforts go unnoticed by the people we think should notice them, we can rightly remind ourselves that we weren’t doing it for them anyway.

Extra thoughts for married people

One complication to this is for married people. First, I say it is a complication, but only insomuch as it invites greater responsibility. It is a great mercy we can rest confident in the fact that God is faithful; therefore, we know true humility and obedience to God is always rewarded. We also know from 1 Cor. 7:28 “…those who marry will face many troubles in this life…” each of them opportunities for God to stretch our capacity to love. The Scripture below is one of many that serve to remind us marriage is a unique and holy matrimony, which requires some extra instruction.

1 Corinthians 7:33-34 – But a married man is concerned about … how he can please his wife … a married woman is concerned about … how she can please her husband. (NIV)

In Ephesians 5:22-33, married people get a reminder of why we cannot just disregard the emotions of our partner, regardless of how fickle they appear to be at times. It goes back to that whole “one flesh” principle God laid out for us in Genesis 2:24. So, while we should guard ourselves from becoming emotionally dependent on anything but God, we should always nurture and defend the emotional well-being of our partner.